I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
