i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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