I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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