Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
