As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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