She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
