It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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