just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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