Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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