wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
