a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
