dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
