I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Boobs speak an international language.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize