If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
