I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize