just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
