You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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