piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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