your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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