That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
