I feel great
I just peed on a car
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
