We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
