I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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