we made out on top of his cat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
