its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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