Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
