I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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