Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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