there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
