Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
