Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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