I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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