Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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