Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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