420 ftw
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
