I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
