I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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