Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize