And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
