dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
