Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
