Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
