Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
