Say something about gay babies.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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