dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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