I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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