Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize