Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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