this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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