Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Less talking, more tequila
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
