U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
God, I missed his penis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
