I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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