I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
