i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
