herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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