hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
