DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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