Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
