I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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