I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize