goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
