All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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