Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize