Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize