the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
