This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
