its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
