I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize