She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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